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The time of courtship is not the time for feeling of pecking and kissing. it is a serious matter. it is a time to talk and get it straight away. it is expected of your courtship to prepare you for marriage, but, nowadays, reverse is the case, the activities in courtship can never secure happy marriage life. There are lot of things to know and understand, and how can you know and understand if you don’t talk.
Different Pictures of Courtships

  1. Mute courtships: these are the set of people that don’t talk freely in their courtship, whereby, fiance is acting in a strange manner to his fiancée and vice versa. It is not that they are deaf dump but they are not close in heart. The major cause of this is ignorance. Sometimes, Christian brothers and sisters practice this kind of courtship in the name of spirituality. Also, some people will not want to offend their partners may be because of position, age difference or wealth, and as a result of that they will be mute throughout their courtship life.
  2. Talkative courtships: These are the set of people that talk in their courtship but without sense. They never talk right things. They are inclined in excessive talking, that is, always ready to talk even at length but you cannot hold any point. They talk freely about unimportant things in a friendly way. This kind of courtship is usually full of gossip and malice.
  3. Flippant courtships: these are the set of people that joke too much in their courtship. They take things for granted and turn everything to child play. They are never serious with each other. Serious matters are not common in their discussion. They thought inappropriately and laugh on things that doesn’t worth it. They are too playful, frolicsome, perky, lighthearted, giddy, frivolous and silly in nature. Their talks lack intellectual substance and things not worth serious consideration. Full of trivial discussions.
  4. Flamboyant courtships: These are the set of people that believe everything is fun. They never talk to plan; they talk to spend. Too extravagant. They are full of eatery, clubbing, film house etc. They can never sit down at the round table to talk about progress in their courtship, but the next party to attend.
  5. Constructive courtship: these are the set of people that construct their marital future with the content of their discussions. They are full of talks that are carefully considered and meant to be helpful to their marriage in the nearest future. Their talks, jokes, and fun are building them up for glorious marriage. They are polite and moderate in every sense of life.
    Well-mannered, socially superior to ordinary people and considered refined or cultured. They talk with grace, courtesy, love and have respect for each other. Maturity is written all over them.
    Keys that can help you to talk constructively
  6. Interview: Always try to ask questions and make enquiry of what that looks ambiguous to you
    2. Assessment: Always look back and see if what you have discussed is able to give you glorious home.
    Have you dealt with all issues that ought to be dealt with? Never go into the marriage if you are not courtship



Have you talked about:

  1. background
    Do’s and don’ts
    3. Weaknesses: e.g. snoring, eating habit etc.
    4. Formal education: to what level?
    5. Verbal skills: how does he/she talks
    6. Expected roles of both individuals in the marriage: His roles as husband and father and her roles as wife mother of your children
    7. Love and respect: to what extent does she respect or submit to you as her husband, and to what extent does he loves you as his wife.
    8. Number of children
    9. type of family planning
    10. Gap between children
    11. Child rearing view
    12. Mental, social, psychological, spiritual, philosophy of life
    13. Ways of dealing with issues
    14. Talk about smoking, drinking, alcohol and coming home late
    15. Night journey
    16. involvement of in- laws and parental influence
    17. Sense of humor: are you a person that doesn’t laugh or joke, just study and pray every minute? talk about it now
    18.  Punctuality
    19. Dependability: to what extent can you depend on him/her? some men will say,” she depends on me for everything, she doesn’t have goals or visions” talk about it now
    20. Verbal intimacy: freedom of expressing feelings
    21. Home conflict and management
    22 Anger management: some spouse will say” whenever I’m in rage or angry, the only person that can calm me down is my mother or someone else” some will say ” leave me for some time and I will get over it” Talk about it
    23. Fear and anxiety
    24. Friendship with opposite sex: don’t hand shake or hug any other man when I’m around etc talk about now
    25. Family friends: who and who do you want as family friends? what caliber of people?
    26. Personal friends
    27. Level of ambition
    28. personal goals and achievements
    29. corporate life goals and achievements
    30. Attitude towards weight: many ladies are slim before marriage but fat after marriage. if you are a type that likes slim lady, look at her mother if she has, because, she’s likely to look like her mother later in life. For men, spot belly etc. Talk about it now.
    31.Religion belief and spiritual preference
    32. Church denomination: is it her church you will be attending after wedding or his?
    33. church involvement
    34. hobbies and interests
    35. songs and music
    36. Values and goals
    37. self-control: does he have problem with women?
    38. Past life
    39.Amount of income to spend and save
    40. House wife or career woman
    41. Type of account
    42. What percentage should be allocated to cloths, vacations, given away and to whom?
    43. Means and risk of investment
    44. Attitude about cleanliness
    45. Location: where to settle, geographical, commercial, spiritual, and social area to live
    46. Order of priority: house before car or vice- versa
    47. Size and style of house: bungalow, upstairs, flat, duplex, fenced or open house. Talk about it now!
    48. Ways of handling sickness: are you the type that if somebody vomit around you or see blood, you will run away?
    49. Means of getting treatment: is it private hospital, or teaching hospital, or trad medical center?
    50. Payment of school fees
    51. Children’s schooling: private and public
    52. Health standard: are you the type that uses the drug or faith? Talk about it
    53. Interpersonal and social skills: does your spouse have caucus, caliber, or levels? Does he/she have pride or look down on people?
    54. Stinginess
    55. House helpers: maid, Gardner, gate man, driver, dry cleaner, house cleaner etc.
    56. Nature of food: only African food or continental or mixed
    57. Mode of sleeping: together or separately
    58. Mattress: water bed, mat etc.
    59. Sexual intimacy
    60. sexual intercourse during pregnancy
    61. types of furniture and interior decorations
    62. Jewelries
    63. types of cloth to be wearing
    64. Day or days of fasting in a week
    65. Amount and type of travel prefer: is it every vacation or yuletide period? is it by flight, land etc.
    66. Time to be spent together: some couples live away from each other throughout their lives, as a result of job etc.
    67. When to go to bed and when to wake up
    68. Time for family alter
    69. Test on genotype, HIV/AIDS, blood group etc.
    70. Intelligent decision
    71. Nature of hair do: plaiting, weaving, curling, wig etc.
    72. Make up: use of earring, lipstick, cosmetics pedicure etc.
    73. Temperament
    So many young people are making excuses for their shortcomings in courtship, that, they don’t know what to talk about. And, as a result of that, the only thing that is available to do is sex, which can damage their marital pursuit. All we have mentioned above are not a day talk; neither a month nor a year talk. They are something you can talk and talk until your mind is clear.
    So many marriages are having problems today because they fail to talk the right thing while in courtship. They substitute their talking period for sex and other related acts

read also LOST IN LOVE


It is not time for marriage until you are satisfied with every talking, until your eyes can see clearly the bottom of the water, until you have guarantee of your second life (marriage). You can save yourself from fruitless race in marriage now that you are not bonded with marital vows. You don’t have to join the queue of failing marriages.
Marriage is sweet and marriage is bitter base on your own experience and content of your discussion while in courtship. Talk about it now!
How much of Jesus do you discuss in your courtship? He is the only One that can guarantee your heart desire in marriage. This is the best time for you and your spouse to join hands together and talk to JESUS; He’s ever ready to listen to you. How can you do that? Give your life to Him and accept Him as your Lord.





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